Tag: hope

praying woman in Mexico

Maintaining hope

As a specialist nurse who coordinated care for adults with malignant brain tumours for nearly 7 years, I have followed with interest the recent media coverage regarding an infamous neurosurgeon.

My role was in a regional cancer centre, coordinating multidisciplinary team meetings and post-surgical treatments including chemotherapy and radiation. During this time, I saw some of the best and worst outcomes from some of this doctor’s surgeries. From the ‘miracle’ 15-year survivor of glioblastoma multiforme to the devastating outcome from a young mother’s failed surgery (death within days), there is one thing they all had in common.

Hope.

Families will do anything to buy more time with their loved ones. I have seen people take out multiple mortgages on their house, cash in their superannuation and go into debt for hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay for futile surgery.

The thing that was missing for each of these families was an honest and up-front conversation about their quality of life in relation to their diagnosis, treatment options and prognosis. The focus was usually on treatment to cure or prolong life, regardless of the impact. Desperate people will risk everything for that chance.

Even when local specialists were hesitant to refer, people pursued an opinion and opted to have surgery that was not based on evidence and often carried a high financial burden from the self-proclaimed ‘world’s greatest surgeon’.

I tried to be the tempering voice of reason when patients told me they were seeking surgery that local neurosurgeons, in consultation with their peers, had declined to perform. I dutifully forwarded the scans, coordinated the appointments, and in the background I quietly spoke with families to provide as much information as I could and manage their expectations. 

I would try to talk to them about what mattered most, about their values and the things that gave their life meaning and were important for the future. Some said that having extra time was more important than anything else. They were willing to take the risk.

I gently tried to remind them that their follow up after surgery would be complicated. Local surgeons absolutely refused to continue care after a patient had been operated on by the ‘maverick’ surgeon. Patients would always need to travel for follow up appointments. Their clinical information would not be available locally if they needed to go to the emergency department or had a crisis here. At best, the referring specialist would get a letter or a discharge summary. I tried to reinforce that whatever time left was precious, and that this could be better spent with families rather than in strange cities and hospitals and travelling backwards and forwards for appointments.

Inside I was screaming.  So often I wanted to refer to palliative care so that a detailed conversation about what to expect and their wishes for the future could take place and help with the decision making process. This was sometimes blocked by doctors with the phrase ‘you can’t take away their hope’. After gaining consent from the patient, I would make the referral anyway. People that met with palliative care first sometimes changed their mind about the surgery and shifted their focus to making the most of the present with good supportive care and symptom management, instead of clinging to an uncertain future.

I know there are success stories. These are the ones you see at fundraisers and in the media. But for every success story, there are countless failures. People who died, or lost function and the ability to even communicate with their family, only to eventually die anyway.

Surgeons who promise the world without inviting palliative care clinicians to be part of the multidisciplinary team should immediately raise a red flag and be consulted with caution. Hope is important and should be nurtured, but the truth needs to be told and expectations managed. Treatment should be based on best evidence and consensus of peers. There is no room for ego when someone’s quality of life is at stake.

The recent media coverage has not only shone a light on these terrible personal tragedies, it has highlighted a much broader issue than individual surgeons and poor patient outcomes. This issue is the ability for people diagnosed with a life limiting cancer or chronic illness to access palliative care from the time of diagnosis. Currently, many Australians are unable to access high-quality palliative care where and when they need it. This is especially difficult in rural and remote Australia and for people from diverse needs groups, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Communities.

Increased funding for specialist palliative care services is essential. Palliative care should be available at the outset, embedded within all multidisciplinary teams, and included as standard care – not a last resort when everything else fails.

Operation Hope

August 2006.

I am in my final year of my nursing degree, and on my final clinical placement with HITH. I have learned to cannulate, take blood, give intravenous antibiotics and blood transfusions. I am learning a lot about infections, wounds and dressings.

I am looking forward to graduating.
I have just found out that I have a full time place in the new graduate program for 2007. I am hoping to work in oncology – my dream job.

I am completing my final assignment, checking my references, counting the words.
The phone rings, my husband answers it.

I sense, rather than hear, that this is not good news.
He is too quiet.
Listening.

He hangs up, and turns to me.
I see the look in his eyes, and my heart feels like it has been grabbed in a vice.

Dad, he says. In hospital.

We’ve been down this path before.
Non-Hodgkins lymphoma.
Diagnosed after many months of night sweats, cough, and weight loss – after returning from Kosovo, where he had been helping to rebuild after the war.

Precious engineering skills, generous heart.

Depleted uranium.

A botched biopsy resulted in a damaged diaphragm and collapsed lung, with a stint in intensive care. The surgeon did not instill hope.
We watched and waited, holding our breath.
Expected the worst.
He recovered. Eventually.

Chemotherapy. Months and months.
Beardless for the first time in his adult life.

Another intensive care scare, and a call to come quickly. He is struggling.
Cardiomyopathy.
Again, we watch and wait.
He pulls through.

Finally, a reprieve.
Remission.

Boxing Day 2004.
Tsunami.
Sri Lanka is dvastated.

His pull towards his country of birth is great.
He answers Word Vision’s call for volunteer engineers.
Goes to assess the damage.
Is too traumatised to tell us the whole truth of what he has witnessed.

He comes home, and starts fundraising.
Operation Hope.
Raises enough money to rebuild a village, and goes back to teach the locals how to build their own houses.

Fast forward to 2016.
The project is drawing to a close.
25 families have new homes, a chance to start again.

He has not told anyone, but the night sweats have started again.
The cough has returned.

Time is running out.

He finishes the last house, says goodbye to the locals, and flies to Switzerland. He wants to see his daughter and grandchildren before returning home to Canberra.

Perhaps he knows.

Two days later, and he is in hospital in Geneva.
DVT, they think.

Something is not right. He is struggling. The doctors are worried.

Heart failure.
The chemotherapy that extended his life so he could do good work has damaged his heart so badly.

He wants to come home.

Our phone rings.
Our world stops.

The french doctors have stabilised him.
A window of opportunity.
A chance to come home.

Pre-existing condition, the insurance company says.
It will cost more than $20,000 for a medical evacuation to Australia.

All of a sudden the flights are booked and I am at the airport.
I have never travelled alone.
I am terrified.
The weight of the world is on my shoulders.

I make it to Geneva.
Rush to the hospital.
He is so sick.
Take me home, he says.
I need to see my family.

Clinique Grangettes, Geneva.
Doctors and nurses in white scrub.
Beautiful. Sterile.
Terrifying.

The french doctors brief me.
They give me cannulas, fluids, instructions.
Wait, I say.
I am only a student nurse.
I can’t do this.

Yes you can, they say.
The airline has cleared him for flight, but we need to leave immediately.
No time to waste.

I call his haematologist in Canberra. He tells me to come straight from the airport to ED. He will accept care.
Good luck, he says.

Business class.
I am too frightened to notice it.
I spend the entire flight watching, waiting, monitoring.
Blood pressure.
Temperature.
Resps.
Scared that I will have to cnanulate and give fluids mid-air.
The air hostesses are kind. They can see the fear in my eyes.
He struggles.

We land at the airport.
My family are waiting.
He wants to go home to his house one last time, but there is no time to lose.
I can see him deteriorating by the minute.

Straight to hospital.
Fast-track through ED.
The haematologist is waiting.
He is kind.

We watch, and we wait.
I am exhausted.

A family meeting in Intensive Care.
I have watched this man that I love as a father suffer.
His family are suffering.
No more, he whispers.
Enough.

We gather round his bed.
Hand and foot massages, words of love.

A brief moment alone, just the two of us.
You have to do this, he says.
What?
Look after the dying. This is your calling.

I know in my heart he is right.
I have so much to learn, so many plans.
This man has taught me so much.
He has given me direction.

I know that one day, when I am ready, and have learned enough…
I will be a palliative care nurse.

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